Kate Botwinski Photography

03.01.11

letting go | making things happen

I spent last week in Las Vegas at WPPI in the company of all of my favorite photographer friends.  When Sam dropped me off at the airport, he was prepared to hear about all of the great things I would learn and all of the fun evenings that he knew were going to happen. BUT he could have never guessed that when he picked me up five days later, I would be a changed woman.  Enlightened. Relaxed. Glowing. He couldn’t quite figure me out. I think he thought I would have the typical “Vegas” experience. Don’t get me wrong- I busted my fair share of moves on multiple dance floors with the girls and my Mexico friends, but all that I could talk about when I got home was my day with the Making Things Happen team and attendees.

At the core of me, I am a very driven little girl with a big heart for the world and the people in it.  I’ve also always seen EVERYTHING in “black & white” so this means I am quick to categorize things: you’re either wildly successful or you’re lazy; you’re either compassionate or you’re ignorant; you either love your clients or you don’t know them; you’re either content or you’re a total mess.  The grey space was non-existent, impossible for my brain to comprehend. I strive for success everyday. I make no excuses for shortcomings. I think this was one of the many reasons I was drawn to Sam. He was a no-joke workaholic and he finished at the top. I could ask for no one better. Together, we knew we could create beautiful things. Although I may work too hard, for too long of periods, that has been fulfilling to me. I challenge all of you workaholics out there- think about what you have to offer to the world, to your family, your friends, YOURSELF, are all of your hours at the desk worth sacrificing these relationships? Making Things Happen changed me in this (huge huge) way.

I didn’t walk away from Making Things Happen with a list of new goals, instead I am PRESENT in today.  Instead of trying to be ecstatic about our future, I am tweaking today. Instead of walking off of the plane and immediately designing albums, or uploading galleries, I scheduled a date night.  With my husband.  Imagine that.  I let go.  I felt the fear of not accomplishing everything that was on my ever-growing to-do list and I gave myself to my marriage anyway.  I love my clients.  My clients know that I love my clients, but I had to consciously let go of my list and desire to create so that I could be present in my commitment to marriage.  To me, this is grey space!  No, I wasn’t working my butt off until all hours of the night to get ahead in business, but I wasn’t really slacking either.  In fact, I think that the more time I spend enjoying the simple, heartfelt things in my life, the better art that I can create for my clients.

Making Things Happen consisted of 30 professionals, almost all strangers to me, gathered in a circle.  We talked and shared for 12 hours!! What could you possibly talk about for 12 hours, right?! Well, all that happened in that hotel room in Vegas changed my life forever.  One of the most powerful moments for me was when we all sat with our eyes closed, lights turned down, dreaming.  We were asked to see ourselves five years down the road.  What did I see? Where was I? Who were the people in my life? Who surrounded me? The life that I saw amazed me. I am fueled by it. I am changed.

{I saw myself in a clean kitchen, leaning over a granite island.  The home was very open, lots of windows on every wall, the blinds pulled up to the ceiling in all of the windows. Light was pouring in from every direction, white, pure light.  The home felt so simple and lovely. My eyes gazed downward and I saw my daughter. I had my asian baby girl!  Her and her perfect black hair reached the height of my knees. Wait, I had three kids. Boys. The kids were running around the floor, I was waiting for someone to come through the door. It was Sam. There he was, just getting home from a long day’s work.  He confidently walked through the front door, dropped the keys, patted our little ones on the head and with big bold steps, kissed me.  What a beautiful life.  What a freaking beautiful, simple, light-hearted, full life.}

When I opened my eyes and the lights were on, I thought: Oh yay, we will have our daughter. What I feel is my very life’s purpose (my big goal, if you will) is really real. We will own such a beautiful simple home and we will occupy it in confident love. Sam will continue to work hard for his family and take big steps to kiss me when he comes through the door. I will let him. I will spend time in the kitchen- what?! Okay. I will spend time in the kitchen. I will be healthy and I will let the light in and I will hear the laughter of little kids filling the home!

I thought, I am ready.  I am ready to better the one piece of that picture that is already there and it is my husband.  No matter how much I’ve loved him, I know that the only way for us to move from pre-Vegas to that five year picture is to let go of the grip I have on my work and my work life and place my attention on our incredible marriage.  I am so proud to say that this change was immediate. I am making things happen BABY! I encourage you all to do the same.  If you don’t have a clue where to start, I urge you to follow Making Things Happen on tumblr.  Man or woman- you will not be wasting your time if you read this blog. Lara, Natalie, Gina, and Emily are a huge inspiration and I am so blessed to have shared a day in Vegas with these amazing women.

I know this post has gotten extremely long, but I want to share a few quick images from my experience. First, my emptied bag on the floor of my hotel room after a long day at MTH- tears were shed all around.  Second, I was beaming when the day was over. Last, a squeeze with Gorgeous Lara Casey.

Thank you Lara Casey, Gina Zeidler, & Natalie Norton for helping me let go of the black & white, take a breath, and see how to refine myself for my present life. Each of you are SO beautiful to me.  Waahoo to the beauty to be found in making things happen!!

My love,

kate

by Kate Botwinski Photography / in Our Life / 9 comments